I luckily survived my childhood without having to experience a home made haircut. But I did have to sit through a lot of commercials for the Flobee home haircutting appliance. And that was terrifying enough.

There are lots of clubs you can join in high school that will ensure other students will make fun of you. Marching band is one. The other is cross country. Perhaps it would be more efficient if today’s schools just combined the two groups. Imagine watching tons of scrawny teenage boys in track shorts running miles through the woods while wearing giant fuzzy hats and twirling batons. Maybe then, ESPN would finally give cross country runners some love. Or at least National Geographic Channel.

Oregon Trail was the most depressing video game ever made. It’s storyline revolved around such time-honored childhood loves as illness and famine. And yet, for any kid growing up in the 1980s, it was also the greatest game. The reason? It was the ONLY game teachers let us play in school. Beggars can’t be choosers. Especially when said begging occurs in a pixelated frontier wagon.

I owned a Nash skateboard in the late 80s. Nash was the most reviled board company out there. As I quickly learned, only poseurs rode Nash boards. Mine came from Kmart and featured Bill the Cat on the top. Maybe this is why I never did quite pull off that olly I pined for.

I miss the days of metal playgrounds. Today’s jungle gyms are made of plastic and foam. Where’s the thrill in that? If you can’t potentially get injured on a playground, how fun can it be? Ask anyone who has ever died on the monkey bars– at least they had fun while doing it.